i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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