apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
