I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
