Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
