I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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