I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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