My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
