You're my little dorito
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
