i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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