you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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