just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
