They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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