So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
