I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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