I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize