How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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