Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
