what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
