i just wanna soil my oats bro
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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