Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
