I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
