I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
