what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize