Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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