Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
