member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
