God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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