it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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