Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
