Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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