One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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