No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
