i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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