sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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