Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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