Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
