Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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