Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
