he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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