you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
