I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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