I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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