Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
