sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
