So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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