I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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