Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
