it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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