I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
