so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
