I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
