3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
