you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
