when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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