What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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