I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
