Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was like eating out sand paper
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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