Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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