Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
