i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
