why didn't you poke me back
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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