Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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