Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
