I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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