Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
