Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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