I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
