we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
