they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
