In the future we'll all be gay
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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