Acid is not a monday night drug
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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