its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
