I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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