Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
