I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
