Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
