I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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