How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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