I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
