I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
