wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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