Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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