On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
