dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it hurts more in the daytime
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dignity is for republicans.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
