I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
