dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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