i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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