Jerry, you need to find god
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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