she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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