Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
