Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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