R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
