I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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