I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
