this beer tastes like vomit already
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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