This is not my ceiling
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
