my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize