In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
