forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
