I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
