He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
