Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
