He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize