I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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