Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I just put wine in my tea
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
