I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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