So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
