soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize