...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is the high leading the old right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize