I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
