Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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