just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
