Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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